Sunday, September 15, 2013

Do I dare be so stupid?

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately, which explains this unwelcomed flash of depression I’m currently experiencing.

I’m having more and more trouble disguising it, too. In my daily life I’m not exactly one to discuss my feelings. They are what they are, and I figure most people prefer speaking about their own personal feelings opposed to really listening to anyone else’s.

Anyway… lately I’ve been thinking about writing again. (Ordinarily I would copy/paste a sarcastic smiley face here - with their eyes rolling towards the back of their head - but searching for one would take up too much memory on our extremely limited internet service. I’m afraid you’ll just have to exercise your imagination by picturing the little guy yourself).

I have a very complicated relationship with writing. It’s a love-hate/love-to-hate/hate-to-love ordeal.

See? Complicated.

When I do write, I OBSESS over it. I have to remind myself to socialize and eat (it’s a fantastic diet plan), and I become so engrossed that it even leaks into my dreams.

Always in these dreams I’m writing the words with such lightning speed that my fingers can hardly keep up. I don’t even pause after reading aloud the end of a sentence. It makes for a very exhausting sleep. (And it takes forever to even get to sleep in the first place because once my head hits the pillow my hands reach for a pen and notepad to write story ideas from. My characters are always demanding attention when all I want to do is sleep).

And once I awaken I’m ticked off because 1). I can’t recall what I had just been writing inside that stupid dream, and 2). In real life I don't write so fast.

The trouble is I’m unsure which route to tackle first.

Here are my options:

- Rewrite that first chapter to my latest completed novel. (I’m very unhappy with that chapter, but am really proud of the book. This particular story was dear to my heart and it demanded to be written years before I planned on tackling it).

- Continue writing my midgrade novel. (It started off really nice, but then I hit a roadblock).

- Edit my finished children’s story and submit it to a magazine or something. (It’s a little story that isn’t a big deal, but I would like to do something with it since it’s based on a silly story I shared with my niece and nephew when they were little).

- Continue writing a children’s book I began years ago. (Hardly anything was written, but in the kiddies arena this one speaks to me the most. It’s supposed to be whimsical).

- Write that one (of two) time travel/paranormal romance I’ve had on my mind for years. (I can feel the hero of the story beginning to talk, but I’ve been ignoring him. Still… he isn’t nearly as vocal as “Iain” was in my last book. My God was he a talker!)

I have other novels which I’ve begun, but I just don’t feel inclined to do anything more with them just yet. And while writing for children really isn’t my favorite thing… (even though they’re a lot shorter, I find writing for kids difficult)… I would love to have at least one children’s story published one day.

Most likely I’ll write the time travel/paranormal novel, but every single time I ponder such a thing my mind wanders back to my completed novel and that blasted first chapter. I am SO SICK of trying to edit that chapter!

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I’m pretty darn proud of that book, but that first chapter has been a nightmare and it isn’t a reflection of the writing from Chapter 2 onwards.

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Falling head over heels for Gerry has not made me blind. I skipped through watching Attila last night.

Oh, the lengths my precious Ger-Bear had to go to in order to get into showbiz! Photobucket

That has got to be the only GB movie in existence where his acting isn't so great. I know this was one of his first big movies, but it was strange to see him not acting well. Very strange.

Still, I can't hold that against him since this is one of his best eye candy movies. He looks so sexy wearing that black eyeliner! It really makes those blue-green eyes of his POP!

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1 comment:

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